Wednesday, March 2, 2011

#ButReally

So today I was supposed to have an audition for Freshman Revue in Musical Theater class...  But we didn't get through everyone today so I have to go on Friday.  To be honest, the thing I was most pissed at was the fact that I got dressed up (and by that I mean put jeans on...) for class and wasn't able to sing.  Had an .... interesting.... acting class this morning.  Began to work through a lot of stuff and I think things are headed in the right direction.  It's really unbelievable how ESSENTIAL trusting yourself is in this art form/career and that's what I'm working on. 

Yesterday was a really weird day though... For a lot of people, I think.  I woke up not really feeling like going anywhere or doing anything, but nailed my piano midterm and did really well in tap class, so my day was right back on track.  Looking back on the day, I don't know exactly when my day sort of went off course, but there are so many little things that went wrong or threw off my mood.  I think I've just been on the receiving end of a lot of hostility, harsh words, and ignorance.  That, combined with personal things I'm dealing with just kind of all surfaced today.  My girl Charley could tell from talking to me on Facebook chat that I was in a bad mood.  I know I have made some great friends here but I've been feeling like I don't have anyone to talk to, but I think it's my own issue, not anyone else's.  I was always told over and over again, growing up, that no one wants to be around a negative person and maybe that went too far.  I've recognized something about myself over the last year or so and even told the people in my core about it:  I have a really hard time confiding in people and talking about how I'm feeling, especially if I'm upset or sad about something.  It's because I'm afraid that people won't care to be around me if I spend time bitching about my life.  One thing that I think I'm well known for is being funny or entertaining to be around and I'm afraid that if ever I'm not like that, people will stop wanting to be around me.  SO the point of that tangent is that every so often I reach an emotional overflow because I deal with things on my own.  There are a few really amazing people here and I'm working to get to a point with myself where I'm comfortable sharing more.  Honesty is good for character development!

Other than that, trying to get more sleep, surrounding myself with only the people I love most, and learning more and more about myself every single day. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I absolutely can't wait for NYC and spring break!

1 comment:

Zoe Raphael said...

Tia, I can't explain to you how much I was nodding my head throughout reading this post. I feel the same way about myself here sometimes, it's lonely feeling like I don't have anyone to really talk to. It's hard to be the strong one all the time and barely have time to bitch about your own life. It's hard for me to open up to people here, too. Even if I consider them my closest friends. Just know I can listen if you need it... <3